Let’s be real, most horror movies aren’t that good. I often count down the days for a new horror’s release and pray it’ll be good but most of the time it just isn’t. I wanted to write a quick list of five horror movies that I just can’t forgive for being so bad that there was almost nothing redeemable about them.
5. The Unborn (David S. Goyer, 2009)
I feel like this could’ve been decent but they tried to get too deep with the plot. They took it too far back by including all that World War Two stuff and it just made the whole thing a bit ridiculous. For those who don’t know anything this film it’s about a girl named Casey who is tormented by visions and nightmares of ghosts. They soon discover a curse has been placed upon their family that dates back to Nazi times.
When I watched the trailer for this film I assumed it was just like one twin died in the womb and now it was seeking revenge which like yeah is far-fetched but not as far-fetched as the rubbish I had to sit through when I watched this movie. What a bunch of rubbish. Honestly don’t recommend wasting your time on this film, it sucks.
4. Ouija (Stiles White, 2014)
Can you believe they made a sequel to this movie? The first one was a bunch of nonsense and although the trailer for the second one looked promising it, of course, let itself down. The idea of the film is that after the death of her best friend a girl decides to do an Ouija board to say goodbye to her. However what they’ve summoned is not her best friend but a spirit determined to wreak havoc on her and her friends.
This movie was such a waste of my time and I really wouldn’t recommend anybody else subject themselves to this. The characters were all completely unlikeable and the whole thing was just super unrealistic. Laine’s best friend has just died and yet her Dad is taking a business trip? Spoiler alert – by the end of the movie all her friends are dead and the police have nothing to say about that? It was just a stupid film.
3. Apartment 143 (Carles Torrens, 2011)
This one will contain spoilers so I apologise in advance but what the fuck even was this film? It’s got the typical set-up of a family experiencing supernatural occurrences in their home after the death of their Mother except this one is filmed in found-footage style with a team of paranormal investigators looking into the case.
The main issue I take with this film is the ending because it was STUPID. Basically, the eldest daughter gets possessed towards the end of the film, starts talking in a demonic voice, throwing things round the room with her mind, I’m pretty sure she crawled along the walls at some point, all the typical stuff and you think ‘oh okay’. And then for some reason the film ends with a discussion between the paranormal investigators where one says “I knew from the start she was schizophrenic, that’s what caused all of this.”
I’m sorry, forgive me if I’m wrong, but since when do schizophrenic people have telekinetic powers? You could’ve maybe pulled an ‘it was all in her imagination’ on me at the end but the film was shot in found-footage style which suggests that everything we saw was real. And then the film ends with a demon girl crawling towards the camera when the apartment is now empty – have I missed something here?
Even without the stupid ending it’s just cliché ridden and wasn’t a particularly interesting watch so I wouldn’t recommend this one at all. Don’t waste your time.
2. Slender Man (Sylvain White, 2018)
I wrote a review of this movie a while ago here but like… What were they thinking? Realistically a film about Slender Man was never going to be good was it? But this took it to a whole new level.
Firstly, there’s none of the lore that everybody loved from the Slender Man games. The premise of the game is that the user is trapped in a forest and needs to find the eight pieces of paper to leave. Not the case with this movie. It’s about four girls who watch a video and this somehow summons Slender Man to come and wreak havoc on their lives. I mean really, they summon him by watching a video!?
Most of my issues with the film were written in the review but the film just doesn’t go anywhere! It’s like they show you something and then they go ‘yeah but we’re not going there’. I was so surprised when it ended because we still had so many loose ends and not in like an ‘I wonder what happened there, that’s mysterious and intriguing’, just a ‘you clearly threw that in and had no idea what to do with it so now you’re ignoring it happened’.
This film is just garbage, I’m glad I have an Unlimited Card so that I didn’t have to spend actual money on it. Throughout the film at least three groups of people decided to get up and just leave, more than I’ve ever seen at any other movie before. Avoid this at all costs.
1. The Bye Bye Man (Stacy Title, 2017)
This film was weird because I remember seeing the trailer in the cinema and then for months the movie just disappeared before cinemas started promoting it again. I’d already made fun of the stupid movie title with my friend Jess and I already knew it wasn’t going to be good. But I’d gotten up early after a sleepless night to meet my friend up town and when they left I didn’t want to go straight home so I decided to kill some time by watching this movie.
First of all, the title and the name of the villain. Could we not have come up with something a bit better than this? I mean seriously. He sounds like a character from ‘In the Night Garden’ or something. Watching the characters on screen running around saying his name with such fear felt really out of place with such a pathetic name. A little more time and effort on the guy’s name couldn’t have saved this movie though.
So the premise is that if you say or think his name he will haunt and kill you. The main character finds out the name by reading it on the bottom of a drawer in the house he’s just moved into. He then tells all his friends about it and they start experiencing things too. And I just… That’s stupid. That’s so stupid. What if I made up a joke and the punchline was ‘The Bye Bye Man’? Would I then die? What if I was trying to write a book and I was like ‘a great character name is The Bye Bye Man’ – am I now a goner? It’s just STUPID.
I don’t remember an awful lot that happened in this movie ‘cos I was really tired and it was just a boring mess but I’m about to reveal a stupid spoiler. At the end of the film the main character’s brother is outside trying to get in to the main character and to stop himself from telling his brother and niece about the ‘Bye Bye Man’ he kills himself. Brother then drives home with his niece and both seem relatively chill that the main character is now dead. It was honestly just a complete pile of rubbish.
So there you have the five worst horror movies in my opinion. Feel free to leave the ones you think are the worst in the comments and if you actually enjoyed any of the films I listed then feel free to comment on what you liked about them!