Sometimes Christmas is Shit

I love Christmas more than any other time of year but I have to admit that yes, sometimes, Christmas is absolutely shit. Although I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’ve ever had a shitty Christmas Day I have had some shit Christmas moments. I don’t want to be an absolute downer or anything but I wanted to write this for anybody who hates Christmas for whatever reason just so you know that you’re not alone in thinking that occasionally Christmas can be an absolute mess.

Some of my shitty Christmas memories are small, petty things. One of them being last Christmas morning when my brother and his girlfriend came over. My step-dad Mark offered to make them, my other brother and my Mom breakfast. I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet either so I waited in the living room in the hopes he would offer to make me one too – I don’t think it’s too selfish of a request to want breakfast with the rest of my family on fucking Christmas morning, right? He didn’t say anything to me. It wasn’t until my eldest brother came in and asked if I’d eaten yet – even then, he gave me his breakfast because he knew my step-dad wouldn’t want to make me anything.

I put up with my step-dad’s bullshit all year round but he really can’t let go of it on fucking Christmas morning? I know it might seem like something small but he is constantly leaving me out of things and putting me down to the point where I’ve decided not to buy him anything for Christmas this year. I made an effort last year and that was the thanks I got. Well he can forget it this year.

That’s not the only time I had to put up with his bullshit actually. Just the year before we had thrown a Christmas party for all our family, an event I am now growing to dread every year because without doubt my family always gets completely pissed. Luckily my Mom just gets slightly annoying but my step-dad can be absolutely vile even when he’s sober and when he’s drunk it’s intensified. He’d already annoyed me with the way he’d been speaking to my Mom all night but it all kicked off when everyone had gone home and I come downstairs for a drink. He made a snide comment, I can’t even remember what it was about but he’d been making them for the majority of the night so I finally snapped “Can you just leave me alone? I’m not even doing anything.”

He made some snide comment along the lines of “Well you never do anything, make yourself useful and actually do something” – I can’t even actually remember what he said but it was along those lines and I was honestly so done that I started yelling “Just leave me alone!” and ran upstairs. I had my headphones on playing music so I didn’t hear what he screamed up the stairs after me but I locked myself in my room and cried. I didn’t want to be there but my best friend was at work and I don’t really have any family close by I could’ve turned to. Eventually my Mom and step-dad went to bed so I did too. The next morning he didn’t even remember the argument.

To be honest this is stuff I put up with all year round but it feels so much worse at Christmas since everyone gets time off work and before you know it you haven’t left the house for five days and you’ve spent so much time with your family that you want to scream.

I have five step-sisters and two brothers and whilst I love them all, by the 27th of December I am sick of the sight of them. To be fair I don’t normally see all of them and I don’t get sick of all of them. It’s generally my step-dad’s two daughters and I mean this is the nicest way possible because I love them both to bits but because they come to stay for a couple of nights I do generally start to feel a bit fed up.

It’s nothing to do with them, honestly! But I am someone who doesn’t like to socialise from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I need some alone time at some point. If I have spent every waking moment with my family on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day then I do generally start to get fed up by the 27th but as my step-sisters are still there the 27th of December is still a family day.

One of my step-sister’s is very close to me in age so naturally she wants to hang out with me and we end up having to share a room etc. And this is fine until I start to get fed up. For example last year she slept over on Boxing Day and as everyone was getting into bed she suggested we watch a film together. It was already quite late and I had work the next morning but as I only see her once a year I thought I’d better be nice so I agreed. Now I love her but she is the worst person to watch films with because she can’t keep anything to herself! We were watching a film I hadn’t seen before and she had and towards the end she went “It’s okay, he dies in a second.” I don’t need to know that!

There was also the shitty year that I ended up working at TESCO for a week as a Christmas temp – to be fair the payday I received in January was not shitty but I kind of deserved it for how many hours I was doing for that one week! They asked me to work on Christmas Eve but as I always go to the pantomime with my Mom I had to ask them to change my hours so they put me on a 4AM to 12PM shift. I agreed but then realised afterwards that my shift the day before was from 10AM – 10PM. I would have a six hour break between shifts! You have no idea how tired I was on Christmas Eve. Worth it though to see the pantomime.

All those were shit but they still don’t top the fiasco of 2012. I already mentioned that everyone at our family Christmas parties gets absolutely twatted but the past few years have been nothing compared to 2012. I don’t want to go into too much detail because it was truly a shit night but all I will say is that it resulted in me calling the police, my brother getting arrested and then going to jail for six months shortly after Christmas. It all kicked off on the night before Christmas Eve so luckily Christmas Day was still relatively okay. Also most of the family had already gone home by the time everything kicked off so not many people had to get involved. All I will say is that it’s extremely embarrassing and scary to watch your family screaming at each other in the middle of the street. What a shit year.

I’m kind of debating whether to post this because I love Christmas and I don’t want this blog full of depressing posts so to contrast this I’m going to write a post of my favourite Christmas memories. I just want you all to know that shit does kick off at Christmas and it can be stressful for families to all be together for so long with no respite and you’re not weird or anything if it does all get too much for you. Take care of yourself this Christmas and try not to get too stressed out!

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